Being Fake, Broken Hearts and the addiction to attention: The truth behind life ruled by an algorithm

In this series of blogs I have discussed my life as a BNOC.

The amazing opportunities I have had and the reality of a life lived underneath a microscope.

I didn't imagine this blog would get the attention it's had. It's got people talking and that's a good thing. 

However I wouldn't be able to finish what I started without discussing the realities of being a BNOC.

The tough stuff. The way it has effected my personal life negatively just as much as it has positively.

In my first blog post I mentioned I never intended to be a BNOC. This is true. It's not something I strived towards and it just kind of happened.

Today we dive into the deep.

The erosion of your personal self

In a previous post I discussed managing personal brand identity. Essentially managing the difference between your brand self and your personal self. Something as modern humans we all do but just aren't aware of it. You portray different versions of yourself to different people.

Unfortunately my life as a BNOC has meant that my brand self has almost completely eroded my personal self.

The consequence of letting a lot of people into your life is that there are a lot of people watching you and they all have expectations. I leave my flat as "Nairn King" the brand everyday which leaves very little time for my personal self.

Even on my bad days I have to wake up and essentially go on "stage". I struggle to even do an Aldi shop without bumping into someone I know.

It's the constant pressure to live up to peoples expectations of you and there isn't an off button. The fear of disappointing people who expect you to live up to an Instagram profile.

Trying to be just as cool as you appear online in real life. Every. Single. Day. It's draining.

Fractured Friendships

I once had someone tell me "Nairn King all those followers but no friends".

While this isn't one hundred percent true there is some truth there. My personal friendship circle, the people I am closest with is very small. The few people who know the real me and not the brand me.

I do have a lot of acquaintances however, I know a lot of people. However they aren't people I would go out for lunch with. We have chats when we bump into eachother. Exchange messages from time to time. We aren't close though.

That's the reality of the BNOC lifestyle though. When you know too many people it's impossible to manage everyone. There are so many people I wish I was closer with but due to lack of time there never seems to be ample opportunities to develop acquaintances into friendships.

You have to make tough choices when it comes to your friends. If you get invited to three parties on one night, who's do you attend? Is one better for networking? Who will be most offended that you didn't show up? What damage control do you need to do when you get back?

It's exhausting and sometimes when you try to please everyone it just doesn't work. I once tried to attend all three parties in one night. It wasn't fun.

Lack of love

In a previous post I discussed dating and power couplings. How the person your with forms part of your brand identity.

In relation to my personal experience my dating life as a BNOC has been difficult.

The person you are dating has to be accepting of both your brand and personal self. I've had experiences where people have told me that they think I'm really great but can't stand the way I come across online. Someone once said the reason they never tried talking to me was because it was just "intimidating" how many people followed me online;

I've had other experiences where when people have gotten to know the real me they end up disappointed.

I have had two relationships whilst at university but I just got lucky with them both at the time.

They were both people who understood my busy schedule and in both cases knew the real me before the brand me.

The addiction to attention

My schedule in March 2018 consisted of working two nights a week at a club, a night of cheer practice and another two or even three nights of jagermeister parties. My days were full of university, some weekends I had cheer competitions and on top of that I was managing friendships and a new relationship. It was exhausting but I loved it.

I love being busy and I enjoy being around people.

However there is a difference between enjoying social company and being co-dependent on social interaction.

Something I consistently experience. I have really busy days sometimes and I do need an hour to myself. However I struggle even with short periods of social isolation.

Which should be easy to fix when you have all those friends right?

Wrong. I have acquaintances and on days when my close circle of friends are at their jobs and we have opposite schedules I get ridiculously lonely.

Having full days of constant social interaction and then days without any has essentially formed in myself an addiction to attention.

I have a constant fear of missing out. I sleep with my phone. I panic if I'm in an area that has no service. I have even been brought close to tears with my phone dying.

In real life and digitally I am in constant need of social interaction.

My life is ruled by an algorithm which dictates how many likes I get. Which dictates how happy I am.

It is exhausting and draining but without those likes everything I have built my life around would be meaningless.

Aside from those negatives I have a great life. Being a BNOC and a student influencer has given me so many opportunities. However when you play the game of life you begin to understand that there are consequences to every decision you make.

A big reason why I chose this topic was because people were interested but also because I wanted to speak the truth.

I don't think I'll be a BNOC for much longer. It's an exhausting lifestyle and I've already gained my fair share of benefits from it. I did a really cool internship over the summer which I loved and they didn't care about my Instagram or the fact I was a cheerleader. So that's pretty much evidence that your BNOC status doesn't matter in the real world. 

I'm not sure if you can actually quit being a BNOC but I'm going to start trying a lot less to impress people and always be "Nairn King".

I don't have a lot of time at university left and I would rather spend that time smiling real smiles, hanging out with friends and doing things I actually want to do. Not what I think I'm expected to do.

My friends, who are literally my rocks. Thanks for loving Nairn and putting up with "Nairn King". 

You guys really are the bestest friends a BNOC could have.

Especially my day one Lynn who has put up with my influencer antics since week one of first year and still continues to this day.

If you still want to be a BNOC good luck.

For the last time.

May the odds of campus fame be ever in your favour.

Nairn King

x

Goodbye for now :)